i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
