You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
