I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize