I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
