It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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