she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
