He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
