my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
