ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
