I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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