White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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