What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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