i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
