I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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