Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize