What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
