i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
