i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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