there's paper in my vomit.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
