you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
