So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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