I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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