My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize