Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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