This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
