why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize