i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
