i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize