My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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