Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
