what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
