my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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