Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The maid of honor just puked.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
