i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And then he peed in my hair
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