You smell like a Billy Joel song
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize