I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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