and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
