ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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