I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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