Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
