I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
