Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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