I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
