So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
