Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize