I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
