Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
