Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
