note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
