who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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