So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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