can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
