the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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