wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize