Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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