You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
