Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
