The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
