Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
