Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
