Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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