I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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