i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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