it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Randomize
