I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
