your parents love me but you hate me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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