I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
