its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
