it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
