The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
