Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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