I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
