I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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