hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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