Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
