I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
