Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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