I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
