i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
