Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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