i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
