Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
