i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You took a bar mat shot.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
