my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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