do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
