She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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