mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
