ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
