whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
