FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
