Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its not stalking. its research.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
