i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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