Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
