Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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