I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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