Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
