so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
