so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize