i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
