fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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