I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
