Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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