If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
