my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
