My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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