So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
