I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
