Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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