so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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