you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Still dying that you shit outside
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
