mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
