You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize