This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
