sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
