Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
