This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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