i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
