I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
